^ ^ TRUE TO THE TEXT!!! Knux is GREEEEEN!
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Here's the scoop... Knuckles went insane (and I mean INSANE) and absorbed the Master Emerald. It has permanently inverted him. Now he is suffering side effects of going insane and absorbing the emerald, such as SUPPORTING THE DARK LEGION and HAVING A NEW SIBLING. Poor knux!
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SO, THIS PAGE IS DEDICATED TO OUR FAVORITE LITTLE GREEN MAN!!
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NARSINA, I PUT MY DAMN HAND UP FOR YOU
I have asked you in as nice a way as I can, many times... quit tormenting me. What with you being visitor #200... CHEATER... I shall try to post your picture on Psychoactive Sonic... both your old one and the one I drew.
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NARSINA, YOU ARE BIG AND PURPLE AND BITCHY.
YOU ARE DESPICABLE AND STITCHY.
YOU HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE ME WORRY.
THIS IS WHY I SAY I'M SORRY.
PS... down below is the Revised SADO BOOK RETURNS!
^ ^
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Here's a pic of the green man!!!
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As soon as Sonic and the other furries got home to Earth, they tried to forget Shadow. They failed miserably. Amy cried at
night for the black man she had hugged once. Tails cried all day, because Shadow was cool. Sonic tried not to tell the newspaper
people about Shadow, and failed at that too. So now the world is full of people mourning over Shadow, and trying to talk to the
furries about Shadow.
However, people in an interstellar gas station gave the world a hint about Shadow. They said a black hedgehog had come
in, put 700 bucks of airplane fuel in his shoes, and left without paying. Some people started saying that Shadow was still alive. Sonic
and the other furries wished it was true.
A month later, Sonic was running from park to park. He was trying to avoid people who wanted to talk about Shadow and
get jiggy with him. He got bored of running after a while, and bought a chilidawg. He sat on a rooftop, eating in silence, thinking
about what would have happened if Shadow had never existed in the first place.
All of a sudden, a black hedgehog with red highlights tripped and fell right in front of him. Sonic recognized that face.
“SADO!” He yelled. Shadow smiled, and got up. “I thought you were dead!”
“So did I,” Shadow said. “The guys at the gas station kicked the crap out of me when I didn’t pay.”
“But- you faded! And fell through space!”
“I used chaos control, smart one! I need for rocket fuel.”
“WHAT! SADO, YOU APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE WHEN EVERYBODY THINKS YOU’RE DEAD, AND EXPECT ME
TO GIVE YOU HUGE AMOUNTS OF MONEY?!”
“Yeah,” Shadow said. “Got any?” Sonic groaned, dug into his cash, and handed Shadow a thousand bucks that he had
gotten from Tails. Shadow ran off without thanking Sonic.
The lady at the gas station told Shadow that everyone was looking for him, and that he should reveal himself in a while.
Shadow told the lady that she was a bitch, and should fuck herself after work.
Out of the blue, after paying for the fuel, Shadow decided that he wanted ice cream. So he went to the nearest ice cream
parlor. The line was two miles long. By the time Shadow got to the front of the line, all they had left was vanilla and black licorice.
“OH, SURE! ALL YOU HAVE IS BLACK AND WHITE!” But he bought some anyway. Amy ran up and hugged him, so he
bought her some too. He forgot where he put Sonic’s money. It was back at the gas station. He didn’t tell Amy that he couldn’t afford
it. Sonic ran up out of nowhere, and they all sat at one table.
“I thought you were dead, Sado!” Amy told Shadow.
“Obviously, I’m not,” Shadow said. He liked all the attention he was getting.
“I got some way past cool news, Sado!” Sonic said, remembering something. “My grandpa joined the Ku Klux Klan!” The
black man’s face twisted to a look of pure horror. “I’m in it, too! Isn’t that cool? What do you think I’m gonna do to you?”
“DON’T LYNCH ME!” Shadow yelled. Sonic looked confused.
“I was gonna make you a member!” He said. “They hate pink furries and white people now!” Amy screamed and ran away.
Sonic laughed. “I’d ask you to come with me when I lynch her, but I wanna do this on my own. It’s just an excuse to kick the shit
out of her and kill her. Bye.” Sonic left, chasing after his victim Amy.
Rouge walked past at that moment. Shadow tried to hide his face behind a newspaper, but his hair was too big and Rouge
recognized him. She sat down by him. He groaned, and got her some ice cream. They talked for a long time. Then Shadow eventually
brought up that he needed to pay for Sonic, Amy, Rouge, and his ice creams, and didn’t have any money.
Shadow begged Rouge to pay. She gave in after half an hour. But after she payed, she told Shadow how to pay her back.
“Make Knuckles go out with me!” Rouge said, her eyes shining. “If you don’t, I’ll sell you on a platform to an albino
hedgehog wanting a slave!”
“Um. . .” Shadow said, taken aback. “Isn’t that against the law?”
“So is my job,” Rouge said simply. “Bye, Sado!” She flew away. Shadow stood there, snarling, for a while. Then he figured
out it was useless, and went to talk to Knux about Rou.
Knuckles opened his door with a machine gun aimed at Shadow’s forehead. “WHO ARE YOU? CIA? FBI? ATF?” He
yelled. “THERE IS NOTHING INVOLVING A DRUG RING GOING ON AT MY HOUSE!”
“DUDE!” Shadow yelled. “PUT THE GUN DOWN, YOU’RE SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF ME!”
“Oh. It’s just a dead black man. Come in,” Knux said, putting down the gun. Shadow followed.
“Jesus Christ, Knuckles, what freakish combination of drugs are you on?” Shadow demanded.
“Just happy pills,” Knuckles says, smiling.
“Damn. Do you plan on ever settling down?”
“I am settled down. This is a good couch.”
“I mean, with a girl.”
“Yeah, I’ve settled down with a girl many times.”
“No!” Shadow yelled. “For good! I mean, do you ever plan on marrying a girl?”
“No. Than I legally can’t get a whore.”
“I think you should get a whore for a wife.”
“Like who? Since when did you know any whores?”
“I know one who is PERFECT for you.”
“Who?”
“She is a bat, and her name is Rouge, and she wants to get jiggy with you.”
“GET OUT!” Knux yelled. “And take a happy pill!” He stuffed a happy pill down Shadow’s throat and threw him into the
gutter. “And don’t let me catch you selling credit cards at my house again!”
“Okay,” Shadow said. The happy pills were starting to take effect.
He ran to the mall, to buy people Christmas presents, even though it was summer. He bought a bunch of gothic clothes for
Amy. But he didn’t know her size. So he bought XXXXL clothes. He also bought her some underwear with Barney. He thought she
would like them.
Amy caught him running around in the mall. She had escaped Sonic, because he tried to buy a mountain dew while he
chased her. And now she was hiding in the mall.
She ran up and hugged him. She was crying.
“Oh Sonic! I thought you wanted to kill me!” Amy cried.
“I’m not Sonic, and I do want to kill you,” Shadow told her.
“Oh wait! You’re not Sonic, you’re Sado!” Amy yelled. She hugged him tighter. “I want you to be my boyfriend. You’re so
strong, and you’re nice, and you’re not in the Ku Klux Klan!”
“Maybe that will change,” Shadow said. He charged the clothes onto Amy’s account, gave them to her, and left. He was
incredibly happy. He walked across the road in the wrong spot, and caused a forty two car pile-up. Many people died. But Shadow
was too happy to notice.
“HEY! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!” An angry man yelled.
“I’m high on life!” Shadow replied. “The birds are singing and the air is sooooo clean!” A car drove past, knocking a dead
bird and a bunch of smoke in Shadow’s face. “Whee! Isn’t life great?” Shadow did a cart wheel across the road, and caused three
more cars to crash.
“If you’re a dumbass!” The guy yelled, flipping Shadow off. Shadow laughed, and ran off to find Sonic.
He found Sonic at the store, still trying to buy mountain dew.
“I. . . want. . . mountain. . . dew. . .” Sonic gasped. He was thirsty. The old guy at the desk didn’t think Sonic was old
enough for mountain dew, and wouldn’t let him buy it.
“We card,” The guy said. “You must be older than 21 to drink this.”
“I’m fifty!” Shadow yelled as he ran past.
“SADO!” Sonic yelled. “Help me! I’m drying up into a potato chip and this assmunch won’t let me buy a mountain dew
because I’m not 21!”
“Wait- I’m not fifty, I’m two!” Shadow said. “Sixty eight!” He walked off into a park next to the store. Sonic ran out, to
make Shadow buy the mountain dew.
“You don’t need mountain dew. You need to get a LIFE!” Shadow said. He started doing backflips. He did twenty without
touching the ground. Sonic opened his eyes wide.
“Oh my god- whatever you’re on, I want some!” Sonic said.
“Have some life!” Shadow said, giving Sonic a happy pill. Sonic’s eyes dilated.
“Bunny. . .” He said. He started to look dizzy.
“Oops. . . that was a hallucinogenic! Here’s a happy pill!” He gave Sonic a real happy pill.
“Bunny! Bunny!” Sonic said, a huge grin on his face. He started to fall over. Shadow didn’t catch him. He did fifty more
backflips.
“Woo hoo hoo hoo hoo!” Shadow yelled. “I LOVE EXISTENCE!” He saw a picture of a blond girl in a window. All of a
sudden, the effect of the happy pills was gone. The girl looked like Maria. Shadow started crying. Tails ran up, and demanded to
know what had happened to Sonic. Shadow was too sad to answer.
So Tails took Sonic to a hospital. He didn’t wake up for a few days, but when he did, Tails was willing to talk to him.
“Hey Sonic, you still owe me two hundred grand!” Tails said. Sonic yelled something about life not being fair and young
minds are destroyed by money, and he ran away from the hospital.
“... Hello,” Sado says. He is looking at a picture of Buddha, next to the blond girl. “Maybe there is a way for me to rule the
world without Sonic killing me. . . or Buttnik, or Tails, or Knux. . . or Rouge. . . or even Maria!” He got up and went to the library to
look up gods.
Sonic woke up on Tuesday on a bench. He walked around to find a TV. If he was homeless, he wanted to know what the
weather was gonna be like. So he stopped and looked at the TV in the window of Radio Shack.
“Now the whole world has found the brave hedgehog Shadow, who supposedly died to save us! Not from hell’s flames-
shut up, I know I can’t say that on TV- but from certain death! Thousands of people all over the planet are trying to erect a temple to
worship Shadow- yes, I know what erect means! Now shut up, Billy Bob!- and the temple is in Antarctica!” A male news reporter
took over.
“There are statues all over of Super Shadow. The main room, where Shadow is trying to live, is being filled with items he
may treasure, from his new worshippers-” The female slapped him, and got in front of the camera, just to be bitchy.
“Items, like Mountain Dew, and money. In one case, someone dropped in a toilet seat. Just to show how much they love
Shadow, the worshippers tore this bitch to peices. . .” Sonic yelled angrily, and ran off to find Shadow in Antarctica. He knows well
enough what will happen as soon as Shadow has the world eating out of his hands- Shadow would find some dangerous creature to
threaten the world, and save it on TV for more fame.
Sonic was determined to kick the crap out of Shadow, and put him in the gutter where he belongs.
About a week later, Sonic found Shadow’s temple. He ran inside like a pissed off basterd. The walls were all lined with
statues of Super Shadow, and a couple of... Super Sonic? Sonic stopped to admire his muscular statue, and dashed onwards. In the
middle of the temple, Shadow was hanging out with some of his worshippers. Sonic couldn’t help it but laugh his ass off when he
saw them.
The girls wore black swimsuits and dyed their hair black and red. They guys wore gay assed tuxedos with red instead of
white. Most of the guys were playing Shadow’s dreamcast games. Most of the girls were trying vainly to touch Shadow. Shadow was
spending his time having fun, like Sonic thought the twisted basterd would be. He was playing an odd tag game with the girls. The
guys that weren’t playing games were trying to kiss Shadow’s feet, or the girls he was playing with.
A blond girl walked in behind Sonic. Everybody glanced up. A couple guys immediately ran up and tried to shove her out,
before Shadow saw her. Too late, you stupid bitches. Shadow had seen the blond. He gave a pissed off yell, and fell over and started
having seizures. The girls could finally touch him, so they did so. When Shadow stopped shaking like a masterbating vulture, he
suddenly realized that a bunch of pretty girls in bikinis were fondling him.
“IN CASE YOU PEOPLE HAVEN’T NOTICED, I’M IN HERE!” Sonic yelled, getting pissed off. “YOU’RE SUPPOSED
TO WORSHIP ME, NOT THIS FAKE BITCH!” Shadow looked up from his gaggle of hot chicks.
“Hm? Oh, it’s you! Friends, enemies, and beloved worshippers, turn your eyes to the door! This is my... little brother... and
he helped me save you all! Sonic!” Half the girls squawked, turning their eyes into hearts. And they ran up and started fondling
Sonic. A couple brought him some mountain dew. Sonic looked at Shadow, confused.
“SADO, HOW THE HELL DID YOU PULL THIS OFF? HOW COME YOUR RELIGION HAS THE HOTTEST
WORSHIPPERS?” Shadow smiled, and sat up. It wasn’t easy for him to do so, because of all the dark sluts hanging off his shoulders
like Amy on steroids.
“Easy- I am not the only god, little brother. Even Rouge has a place for my favorite worshippers, in her whore-house of the
sky...” He gave the prettiest chick (a flowery looking hedgehog) a french kiss, while Sonic just stared at him. “But I shall make sure
this jewel, as well as the others, will come to me in the afterlife...” Sonic looked at one of the girls hugging him.
“What about you? Would you put on a blue bikini, if I let you hang out with me when you die?”
“Anything for you, Sonic!” The girl said. He suddenly realized that it was a pink hedgehog clutching his arm.
“Go fondle Sado!” Sonic yelled.
“I have a blue bikini right here, let me change,” The pink girl said. In case you haven’t figured it out, this was Amy and she
forgot that Sonic wanted to lynch her. She was about to change into the bikini when a gay tuxedo guy dragged her away.
“I can’t help myself, at times, only trouble is what I find! I can’t help myself and neither can you, there’s to many forbidden
things do! I can’t help myself, I don’t know why- is it written in the sky? I’d be good right now, if I could right now, but I can’t!”
Sonic sang, because a bunch of girls other than Amy were caressing him.
All of a sudden, Knuckles ran in the door. He was drunk and pissed and incredibly stoned. “DEAD BLACK MAN! SAVE
ME!” He screamed. Shadow leapt up. A chance to prove himself in front of his followers.
“Welcome to my temple, brother Knux. What seems to be troubling you so terribly?”
“QUIT TALKING LIKE A GAY ASS MONKEY!” Knux yelled. “THERE’S A BUNCH OF RED HAIRED BITCHES THAT
WON’T QUIT TRYING TO FUCK ME!” Sonic and Shadow fell over anime style.
“Dose awre yer fawndwellers, Knuxsuls,” Shadow said. “Let me guess what’s troubling you, and how to help. I may be
god, but I don’t know quite everything...” He looked Knuckles over, to try and figure out what was the problem.
“THERE’S A CAT ON YOUR HEAD!” Sonic yelled. Knuckles screamed and slapped his head and ran in circles. Sonic and
Shadow started laughing their asses off at him, because it was corny. The followers laughed as well. “AND A COBRA UP YOUR
ASS!” Knuckles sailed into the air, clutching his ass, yelling, and shreiking. Everybody was laughing a lot. Knuckles landed
painfully- on his head.
“No!” Screamed a follower. “Can you gods die?” She was hugging Sonic like Amy had, but with good reason.
“Sado and I can’t,” Sonic told her. “But I don’t know about him...”
“Who does? Oh, is he okay?” The girl was so worried about Knux that Sonic got really pissed off and jealous. He killed
her. Sonic’s followers screamed and ran as da hedgie suddenly went super saiyan level 2. No, not super, super saiyan level 2. His hair
stood strait up as though he was Snuckles and had jammed his finger in a socket. It was funny seeing Sonic as spiky as a pincushion,
golden, and puffed up like a hyper marshmallow.
“NOW I AM PISSED SO YOU MERE MORTALS MUST RUN OR DIE PAINFUL DEATHS! Ooo, nice ass,” He said,
slapping a chick that ran past him.
“Shadow! Shadow, save us from your brother!” Screamed the girl Shadow had french kissed. Shadow looked Sonic over.
He is good at copying da high hog. He too went super saiyan level 2.
“I’ll be back,” He told the chick, in his Terminator2 voice. He looked at Sonic. “YOU’RE SCARING AWAY MY
FOLLOWERS, YOU PAGAN GOD OF DEATH!”
“What you say!”
“I SAY THAT YOU LEAVE OR PERISH FROM THE EARTH!”
“What you say!”
“I SAID, I SAY YOU LEAVE OR PERISH FROM THE EARTH!”
“What you say!” Shadow suddenly realized that Knux was saying this.
“SHUT UP OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES,” Shadow boomed at Knux. “SONIC, WE SHALL TAKE IT OUTSIDE OR
LAY WASTE TO OUR FOLLOWERS AND TEMPLE. IF YOU WANT TO TRY AND KILL ME, EVEN THOUGH I AM
IMMORTAL AND IT IS A WASTE OF TIME, WE SHALL GO ABOUT IN THE GREAT OUTDOORS!” Sonic laughed, and started
making fun of Shadow.
“AND I DID LOOK UPON THE ASSORTED BREAKFAST CERIALS AND MOOMBAS AND IT WAS GOOD!”
“YES, IT WAS!” Shadow yelled. “UNTIL THEY STARTED PUTTING YOUR BIG BLUE ASS ON THE CERIAL
BOXES!” Sonic got pissed and ran up and kicked Shadow’s nuts. Sonic looked at the dead girl who asked if the gods could die.
“We may be immortal,” He told the corpse. “But his balls aren’t.” Shadow was yelling his ass off. He flipped off Sonic and
fled from the temple. His french kissy follower (the hedghog) followed him and somehow managed to keep up with the level 2
basterd.
When Shadow and his follower got to the gutter where he used to live, he found Amy asleep there. She was wearing a little
blue skirt and a blouse. She was dressed just like...
Shadow fell over, had a seizure, and died. His follower, the hedeghog Narsina, took him to the hospital. There she found
that there were many many Amys in the world- a pink hedgehog named Amy ran up wearing a nurse outfit and hugged Shadow’s
corpse. Narsina bitch slapped her, and dragged Shadow to a bed. Then a bunch of Amy nurses ran up and started taking care of
Shadow, even though he was dead. Narsina fell asleep on Shadow’s shoes.
Sonic was hanging out with Knuckles at the abandoned temple. It was fun to be there because Shadow left all his money
and Mountain Dew and money and video games and money. Knuckles was playing as Whang in SoulCalibur and Sonic was Kilik.
“My killer is gonna lick you!” Sonic yelled. Knuckles was so disturbed that he WON! This pissed Sonic off. Knux made his
own nasty comment to scare Sonic into losing again.
“My basterd is gonna use his whang on yours!” Sonic was so disturbed that he had to go drink a few gallons of mountain
dew before he talked again. They played some more- SoulCailbur, not Eachother, you perverted shithead. Sonic was Maxi and Knux
was Tsung Mina.
“Need any maxi pads, hot chick?” Sonic asked Knuckles. Knuckles puked, and came up with another dirty saying.
“Need a kiss on the Tsung, hot chick?” Sonic ran screaming something about Knuckles being gay. Tails heard him. And he
suddenly thought- cool! A strong person that was gay that he liked! He ran in and tried to fuck Knuckles, but Knuckles snapped his
neck and beat up Maxi while Sonic was gone.
For no reason whatsoever, just like with SEGA, Shadow comes back to life. Mysterious... this may be a case for
00-SONIC...
Later, in a freak accident, Knuckles was killed by Eggman. What happened? Eggman got high and ran down the street with
a machine gun. Knux was also high, so he didn’t run in time.
Knux had a will somewhere. The police eventually found it, after many disputes between the furries. As it turns out,
Knuckles left his gutter and all belongings to Sonic, even though Sonic had Shadow’s temple (they were being nice and shared the
temple and got some followers back). All but Knux’s mountain dew went to Sonic, and the mountain dew went to Snuckles. All of it.
Later, Eggman was high again and came up with a way to kill Sonic and Shadow at the same time, and get the mountain
dew storage. While they were asleep in the temple, he knocked the guards out, raped them, and kidnapped Shadow and Sonic.
Snuckles woke up and wondered where his hedgehog friends went. He looked in all the rooms, but couldn’t find them.
They weren’t in bed with any of the followers. He checked the computer screen, to see if someone had duck taped them onto it. He
checked his e-mail when he couldn’t find them.
He read a letter from Eggman.
Guess what Snuckles? If you don’t reveal to me the password to get to your mountain dew, I shall kill Sonic and Shadow
with an electric shock!~ Merry christmas. My e-mail is EggBaby@gci.net
“SHIT FUCK DAMN!” Snux yelled. “TAILS! WAKE UP, YOU ORANGE ASSED PUNK! SONIC AND SHADOW AND
EGGMAN ARE ALL STONED AND FUCKING EACHOTHER!”
“Noooooooo!” Tails wailed as he woke up. “Why, god, WHY?”
“Kidding, they’re kidnapped.”
“It’s worse!” Tails yelled. “Why didn’t you say so!” He started to fly away, but then he remembered that he didn’t know
where Eggman was right now. “Hey, Snux, where is he, anyway?”
“He is in the clouds,” Snux said, doing a happy dance. “Hedgehogs go by by! Some wierd mail came came from Eggegg on
Mars for Snuxknux!”
“Shut up and let’s go find them!” He flew away. Snux followed, but fell asleep again before he got out the door.
Tails found Eggman on the ARK (don’t ask how Tails got there, I don’t know) and stayed in hiding. Eggman wasn’t high
anymore, so he was wondering why Sonic and Shadow were locked in an energy cage in his living room. But, he figured, it was a
perfect chance! He’ll just tell Snux that he’ll shock them to death if Snux didn’t give him the combo for the mountain dew!
“Let us out, Eggman, or we’ll kill your ass!” Sado yelled. Sonic agreed. Eggman just laughed and told them that he would
give them a piss machine (toilet) if they had to stay for more than a week. Shadow and Sonic yelled angrily, and started bitching.
Eggman got pissed and threw a chilidog in there at them.
Shadow caught it.
“NO, THAT’S MINE!” Sonic yelled. He and Sado started to try and kick the crap out of eachother for the chilidawg. Sonic
won, so he sat there with a bloody lip and ate his chilidog victoriousely. Sado was unconscious. O, the sacri-feces we make for
mountain duw and chilidawgz.
Tails walked in when Eggman left, and told Sonic and Sado that he would get them out. Sado was still unconscious. Sonic
was whining because he had to piss, he was hungry, and he wanted mountain dew. Tails tried to break the cage open, and got
electrocuted. He ran because Eggman was coming back.
Eggman was stoned again, and started laughing. Sonic woke up Sado just to piss him off.
“I WAS HAVING A DREAM ABOUT MARIA!” Sado yelled. As soon as he yelled it, he started to have a seizure. But Sonic
grabbed him and stopped him. And Sonic pointed at Eggman.
“Look! He’s totally high!” They laughed at Eggman because it was corny. Than Sado started to cry. “What?”
“I don’t like the ARK! I wanna go home to Earth! I hate planes, and this a lot like a plane!”
“Shut up, you little idiot!”
“Screw you! I wanna go home!”
“Screw that!”
“Fuck you!”
“Asswhore!”
“Frindle!”
“Cocophone!”
“Cocophone?”
“Hee hee hee!” Tails laughed from the hallway. Eggman noticed. He ran out and grabbed Tails.
“NO! YOU PUT HIM DOWN, EGGMAN!” Sonic yelled.
“YEAH, LEAVE HIM ALONE! I KNOW HE NEEDS SOMEBODY TO BE GAY WITH, BUT NOT YOU!” Sado yelled.
“I’d rather blow him up!” Eggman said. “He doesn’t have an emerald to save his ass, yay!” He stuffed Tails in a capsule and
fired him off. “Oops, wait, I didn’t put a bomb on the capsule!” He muttered. So Tails was safely launched to Earth.
When Tails woke up, he was in a hospital and a week had passed. Snux had come to visit him, and the nurse was ripped to
shreds because she tried to stop him from seeing Tails. Also, there were some mutilated worshippers in the little bikinis there.
“You okay?” Snux asked.
“Yeah, but I think Sonic and Sado are screwed!” Tails replied.
“Shit fuck damn!” Snux yelled. Everyone in the room looked at him angrily. “What!” They looked away.
“I think we should go and save our hedgehog friends!”
“OH! WELL I THINK WE SHOULD GO KILL OURSELVES, TOO!” Snux yelled.
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“No, let’s save them and us!” Tails yelled.
“OH! I DIDN’T KNOW THAT!” So they went to the ARK the way Tails did before (I still don’t know how, unless they got
high and floated up. . .) and found the room where Sonic and Sado were. They were crying from hunger, and Sado had pissed on the
walls just to piss off Eggman when he same back. He hadn’t come to the room all week, so they thought he had forgotten them and it
made both of them very sad.
Tails tried to break them out again, and got electrocuted again. “Snuckles! You try!”
“No! My body is nine-dy mime purse cent mountain dew, I’d die!” He tried to sound smart. But Tails beleived him, so he
tried again, got zapped, and had a heart attack. He fell, dead, on the ground.
“Nooooo! Tails, Tails, you idiot!” Sonic started crying. Shadow started laughing, because he thought it was funny. Sonic
immediately kicked the shit out of Sado. Sado was unconsious again. “Snux, it’s up to you now!”
“Right. . .” Snux said. He somehow turned into a blob of mountain dew, and slid under the cage.
“How did you do that?”
“Gee I dunno. Now what do I do?” Now Snux was stuck in the cage too. Eggman walked in, and stared. Last week, he had
two starving hedgehogs in a cage. Now he had a dead fox on the middle of the floor, an unconcious hedgehog, a crying hedgehog,
and a green echidna! Yay!
“Yay!” Eggman said. He did the bunny hop. “Victims! Victims for my bunghole!” He was high again.
“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
“Man! You hold your breath long, Snux!” Sonic said.
“Thanks,” Snux said. They waited to see what Eggman would do. But he just stood there, hopping like a bunny. Then he
lured Snux out of the cage with a new cold code red mountain dew. Then he locked Snuckles in another capsule. He remembered the
bomb this time. Snux’s capsule got blown up before it launched, so there was a huge hole in the floor.
“Hahahahahah!” Eggman laughed in a happy gay way.
“Fuck you, assmunch!” Sonic yelled. With a burst of hyperness, he broke out of the cage. First Knux, then Tails, now
Snux! Who next? Him or Sado? Eggman out his gun and tried to blow the shit out of Sonic, but Sonic dodged and kicked Eggman’s
little tiny balls. Eggman yelled for five minutes before he caught his breath. Sonic was laughing. Sado woke up.
“And here is where we kick yo big ass ass!” Sado said. He kicked eggman’s ass. A while later, they were in Earth, trying to
figure out who inherited what. Sonic wanted the mounatin dew, and so did Sado. Sonic wanted the machinery Tails made, and so did
Sado. They took it to court.
As soon as Sonic walked in, the judge yelled. “Sonic, you are guilty of murder and will be sentanced to death!”
“No! I swear, it wasn’t me!” Sonic yelled back. Than Sonic and Shadow ran off to their temple, and shared the MD.
A week later, Snuckles and Tails showed up at the temple. They were bitching because they were gods, because they
couldn’t die. And instead they just got hurt a lot. Sonic and Shadow shared the mountain dew with Snux and Tails. Another week
later, Knuckles ran in looking pissed. He was dripping with blood.
“WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU, KNUX?” Shadow yelled, angrily throwing a worshipper at him for no reason.
“Amy happened to me,” Knux muttered. “Sonic, tell your bitch that I’m not you!”
“AMY!” Sonic screamed, hoping the pink girl would hear him. “I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO GET JIGGY WITH YOU!
AND REMEMBER, I’M RED AND HAVE DREADLOCKS AND PURPLE EYES!” Knuckles screamed and ran, because Amy was
behind him. She was holding an axe and looking really fucked up. The confoosed hedgies stared.
“SSSSSSSOOOOOOONNNNNNNIIIIIIICCCCCCC!” Amy screamed, and threw the axe at da blue man. The followers
began screaming again. “I... I... I... WANT... TO... JOIN... THE... KU... KLUX... CLAN...! I... I... I... WAAAAANT... TO... TO BE...
LIKE... YYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!” And she threw another axe at Sonic.
“STAND BACK, MY ACOLITES!” Sonic boomed, going SS2. “THERE IS A DEMON IN HER. AND I WILL GET RID OF
IT, EVEN IF IT COSTS ME MY MANHOOD!”
“NO! I WILL GET RID OF IT!” Shadow yelled, standing up and also going SS2.
“I WILL!”
“NO, I WILL, SADO!”
“YOU STUPID BLUE ASSED MONKEY!”
“WHEN YOU GET INVERTED YOU LOOK A CONDOM!”
“THAN YOU WILL CERTAINLY LOSE YOUR MANHOOD, LITTLE BROTHER!”
“BETTER MY MANHOOD THAN YOURS!... Wait a second...”
Amy suddenly realised that Sonic and Shadow were right there. So she dropped her axe and hugged Shadow, because he
looked more sexy when he was SS2 than Sonic. Shadow screamed and had a seizure, because Amy hugged him the way Maria had.
Narsina, ever faithful, kicked the shit out of Amy.
“Teach your bitch who her bastard is in one week’s time, little brother...” Shadow snarled. “Hey Narsina, let’s go buy a
Playstation2. I made sure that the producers of FF10 made the game fun.” He picked up his chick and left. All the worshippers started
laughing because they had the temple to themselves and Sonic. So Sonic had to play games with all the followers and keep them
from leaving.
Tails and Snuckles helped. Tails started playing Pokemon with the gay tuxedo men, because he liked playing gay games
with gay people. Tails pulled out a Mewtwo, and a gay tuxedo man pulled out a Caterpie.
“Beat that Moopoo, Bitcherpie!” Tails yelled, happy that he stood a chance. The gay tuxedo man killed Tails’ Mewtwo with
a stringshot. Tails started to cry. Then some other gay tuxedo man played against him. This time, Tails used a Pikachu and the gay
man used a graveler. “YEAH! KILL THAT GRAPPLER, PEEONYOU!” Tails yelled. “RIDE IT’S ASS WITH SURF!” Pikachu just sat
there and grinned like a Visitor probing a donkey.
“Dumbass, you’re supposed to push the buttons,” The gay tuxedo man told Tails, laughing at the so called genius god.
“Oh yeah...” Tails left to find Snux, though. Snuckles was playing Mario Tennis. He was playing as Boo against a hot chick,
and she played as Baby Mario.
“You know, Baby Mario is gay.”
“I know, but I’ll show you the true power of the cute gay thing.”
“Oh fuck, you’re starting to sound like a bitch.”
“I AM a bitch, little green man,” The bitch, Gwenny, said. And she beat Snuckles’ Boo with Baby Mario. “Who can I beat
next, Smuckers?”
“Snuckles,” Snuckles corrected Gwenny. And he turned himself into a player in the game, so she would be against
Snuckles. The girl did the same. Now they were both inside the TV screen. “READY TO DIE, MENNY?”
“GWENNY!” Gwenny yelled. “YOU NEED TO GET READY TO DIE, SMUCKERS!”
“IS THAT SO, MENNY?”
“HELL YEAH! IT IS SO!” And Snux served at her. It hit her in the face. And she bitched a lot. Snux laughed.
“You bitch like a man, Menny!” Gwenny put jam all over the tennis ball, and served it into Snux’s balls. Snux fell over,
bitching about his poor nuts.
“WHAT’S WRONG, SMUCKERS? IN A BIT OF A JAM?” Gwenny yelled. Tails pulled them out of the TV then, so he
could play with Gwenny and Snux like dolls.
Meanwhile... In a parellell universe... the furries have found a different way to stay entertained...
“Hello! This uz Knuckles. I’m going to be yer reporter this evening, mon. Do ya know why? Because I’m trying to make
enough money to stay alive. Beleive me, it WASN’T my idea. Our first exploration... Maria Robotnik. We’re trying to figure out of
she really likes Shadow. It’s kinda tough, mon.”
“Dude! Tell them who’s filming!”
“Oh yeah- and the camera mon is Tails. Did I say mon? I meant to say camera WOmon-”
“Here she comes!”
“Oh. Than let’s hide, mon!” Knuckles and Tails dashed behind the wall, Tails rolling away. Maria walked past, got in a
shiny new limo, and drove off. Tails and Knuckles ran after her, making sure she didn’t see them in her tail-lights. She pulled up at a
huge mansion, with many lights on. “Mon, who’s place uz this?”
“It’s Sonic’s house!”
“Lucky bastard...” Maria ran in. Tails and Knuckles follow in secret. They open the door. There was a huge party going on.
All the furries off the games and internet were there, dancing, singing, fighting, flirting, and drinking. “DAMN IT, WHY DIDN’T
ANYBODY INVITE US!” Knux yelled. “YA’LL SUCK, MON!”
“YEAH, REALLY!” Tails yelled. But nobody heard them, because they were playing Eminem top volume.
“Where’d Maria go to?”
“This way...” Tails, still rolling, led the way through many doors. He followed the invisible trail of Maria’s perfume. He had
crouched to the ground and snuffed his way along. Knuckles had to take the camera. He eventually led them to a swimming pool
area. It was so big that the swimming pools stretched as far as they could see. “Damn, I lost the scent!” Tails whined.
“Tell ya what. Let’s play ‘hunt da girl’, mon. ‘Za fun game. All ya do is hunt da girl.”
“Okay!” Tails said cheerfully. He dashed off, and Knuckles had to follow. “Stop!” Tails hissed. He stopped, and Knuckles
crashed into him. They fell into a pool. Lucky for them, Knuckles dropped the camera first. They climbed out. “She’s THERE...”
Tails whispered, pointing ahead of him. “I can hear her! She’s about two hundred feet in this direction... northwest, downward angle
7 degrees.”
“All I hear is yer annoyin’ talk, mon.” Knuckles shook like a dog, and so did Tails. Knuckles had to do it again, because
Tails had splashed all over him. Then they ran off towards Maria.
They stopped when they heard some funny noises, in Maria’s voice, and Sonic’s.
“Maybe we shouldn’t be here,” Tails said, his teeth chattering.
“Dumbass. Of course we shouldn’t be here, mon. Dis uz Sonic’s party an’ we weren’t invited. Boy, the vaccume in yer head
really caught on fast, mon... so get rolling!” Tails nervousely switched on the camera, and started rolling.
“Wow, Sonic... This is nice!” Maria’s voice said. Tails zoomed in- and too fast. He accidentally zoomed in on her boobs.
But he kept the camera there. “I mean... Inviting me, even though I’m with Shadow...”
“That’s why I invited you!” Sonic said cheerfully. Tails zoomed in on his face. He could tell easily what Sonic planned on
doing. “I mean, you need a break from him, don’t you?”
“Well... Yeah, but-”
“So, let’s take a break. Me from Amy, you from Shadow...” And he locked Maria in a french. Tails dropped the camera and
ran, screaming. Knuckles followed fast, because Sonic heard and took after them.
“Greetings! This is Sonic the hedgehog, as your camera person! What that word again...? Oh yeah! Reporter! Maria
Robotnik is my camera chick. We’re going to take a better look at Rouge, who seems to enjoy tormenting my old rival Knuckles.
Maybe we can learn from her how to disturb him! It would be nice. So, Maria- let’s go!” Sonic grabbed Maria, and she held on
tightely to the camera as they zoomed off in search of Rouge.
“Where would Rouge be? I don’t really know much about... you know... Earth...”
“A cave,” Sonic said, giving her a grin. “A nice dark place, where she can develope photos of herself, and also not get
caught with her drug lab.”
“Oh! I want one of those some day...”
“There’s a cave! Let’s check it, pretty girl.” Sonic dashed into the cave. Maria, always prepared, pulled out her flashlight
and shone it ahead of Sonic’s feet. They suddenly came to a screeching halt- the light beam fell on a pair of bats entangled with
eachother. Neither was Rouge, so Sonic and Maria left immediately.
“Okay, next cave... right here!” Sonic dashed into another hole in the ground. This time, he set down Maria, and they
walked quietly. Maria turned off her light, and they went by sound. Sonic suddenly felt Maria grab his chest, and she picked him up
and hugged him.
“Oh, Sonic, this is SCARY!” Maria whimpered, giving him a kiss.
“So much for escaping Amy...”
“And it’s so co-old in here...” Maria purposely started shivering. “Sonic, do you think you could help me warm up?” She
hugged him tighter. “With that handsome fur coat of yours?”
“This is business, Maria.”
“Okay...” She set him down, and they continued on their way. Sonic soon heard the familiar sound of Rouge’s menacing
laughter.
“Knuckles, O Knuckles, we’re FAR OUT THERE,” Rouge sang. She was lighting candles. Sonic and Maria stopped when
they caught sight of her, and started rolling silently.
Rouge pulled out a doll made of red wax, looking just like Knuckles. “I can make you love me, if you won’t do it naturally,
like everybody else...” She held the wax doll over a candle. “Not being in love burns a lot more than being in it! Soon, you will come
running to me, BEGGING for my love...!” The doll melted into a puddle. “Good, there goes the practice. Now, to make the REAL
voodoo doll!”
“As you can see, fans...” Sonic whispered into the microphone. “Rouge is into voodoo and Satanic rituals...”
“Oh, oh... before I make Knuckles come to me in agony, whimpering about how much he loves me...” She held up a
mirror, with dragons and demons on the edge. “I have to apply my make-up!”
“Zoom in on her face, she’s not wearing any make-up!” Sonic whispered sharply. Maria zoomed in on her face.
“Oh, god- she has a harelip and a lot of huge zits!”
“And I’ll have to change, too...” Rouge mumbled, as soon as she finished applying her make-up. She started to undress.
“Should I... stop rolling?” Maria whispered.
“No, no, keep rolling...” Sonic mumbled. His eyes were fastened on Rouge. She changed before their eyes- which left Sonic
dazed and smiling. She was now wearing an extremely revealing shirt, which barely covered her boobs, and a miniskirt. With her
mirror, she made sure it showed her hind when she leaned over.
“Slut...” Maria mumbled.
“Oh, hell yeah, she is DEFINATELY a slut...” Sonic mumbled, putting his tongue back in his mouth.
“Now, to finish it...” She held up a blob of white wax, obviousely the wax for a real voodoo doll. And she molded it to
look like Knuckles. Were it the right color, it would look just like him. And from her pocket on her old clothing, she pulled out a
small peice of one of Knuckles’ spikes. She put it on the doll. To make it work, she simply has to have a peice of Knuckles on the
doll. She held the doll over another candle.
“Get a good shot of her doll, now...” Sonic told Maria. Maria zoomed in, eager to see more. The doll slowly started to melt.
“Now, Knuckles... this is Rouge... if you want this pain to end, come to me... I’m in the cave right past the highway 89 sign,
and I’m waiting for you... waiting for you to feel my heart and soul...”
“She really thinks that’ll work?” Sonic asked in disbeleif. He forgot to whisper. Rouge twisted to face him, dropping the
Knuckles doll. Sonic grabbed Maria, and took off running. Rouge grabbed a machine gun, and took off after him.
“Hi! Have no fear, viewers, Amy Rose it here, to be your reporter today! I have an Omochao as a camera person! How’s it
going, Omo?” Omochao tried to give her a ‘thumb’s up’ but couldn’t. He didn’t have any thumbs. “We’re going to go visit Tails
Prower, and see what he’s doing today! Let’s go, Omo!”
Amy Rose grabbed the Omochao, and scampered off to Tails’ house. He was in his room, mumbling. Omochao turned on
the camera and started rolling it.
Tails was tinkering with a toy weasel attached to a green and yellow ball, which was rolling side to side, playing in cute
way. Tails had an evil look on his face.
“I shall now have my vengance, Sonic... you have soiled my precious eyes... let’s see if you have the heart to kill a FRIEND
trying to take over the world...!”
“Are you rolling?” Amy whispered.
“Yes-I-am.” Tails closed the ball of the weasel, and set it on the floor. It rolled for two seconds, and landed, staring at Tails.
“Review mission objectives,” Tails commanded. The weasel ball had a cute face, and a cute voice, and cute missions.
“Mission objectives, make children happy. Electrocute dogs that pose danger to children. Play without batteries for children.
Never get tired in front of children.”
“Silence! I think some slight modifications are in need, my fuzzy little PAL...” He grabbed the weasel, and started tinkering
again. Omochao zoomed in on the modifications.
“NOW review your objectives.”
“Mission objectives, be a bad influence on children. Tell children pornographic web sites. Offer children axes.”
“Not quite right...” Tails messed with the weasel ball some more. “Now try.”
“Mission objectives, self destruct underneath current president.”
“THAT’s more like it...” Tails whispered. “Shut down.” Amy closed the door, quietly.
“Omochao, do you know what this means? Tails is gonna kill the president!”
“You-need-to-think-more-Amy. Does-anyone-care-if-the-president-gets-killed?”
“I do!”
“That-may-be-because-you-are-a-whore.”
“Shut up. What’s Tails doing now...” She opened the door again. Tails was working on an even deadlier weapon- a teddy
bear. He put a machine inside it’s chest.
“What’s your name?”
“I am President Bush of the United States of America,” The bear said, in the president’s voice.
“Wonderful,” Tails cooed. “What are you gonna do to the country, mister president?”
“I shall bring this great country into the control of a much more powerful leader than I. Tails Prower, a very capable
younge creature. He exemplifies a fine new crop of young Americans. I GIVE him this wonderful country of the United States!”
“Oh, that sounds so very wonderfull...” Tails giggled. He pulled, out of his closet, a doll that looked just like the president.
He put the machine in the fake prez.
“Oh my god, Omo!” Amy whispered, shutting the door again. “Tails is a terrorist!”
“No-shit-Sherlock. Tails-will-not-stop-for-ANYTHING. After-all-he-exemplifies-a-fine-new-crop-of-young- Americans.”
“Shut up.” She opened the door. Tails was now messing with a life-sized janitor doll.
“What will you do, my pretty?” Tails cackled vilely.
“I will properly dispose of the president’s remains, so nobody knows he got killed. But first, want your windows done,
Mack?”
“Make it fast,” Tails snarled. Then he yawned. “I’m tired. Good luck, janitor...” And he fell asleep at the computer desk.
Amy and the Omochao left, Amy freaking out. Omochao was thinking of going back and joining Tails’ evil forces.
“This is Doctor Eggman, the future ruler of planet Earth! The camera is programmed to zoom or move at my will. And I am
going to show you exactly what Hyper Metal Sonic does in his spare time. I’m bored with him, so I’ll see if he’ll kill himself out of
embarrasment.” He walked into a room. He made certain Metal couldn’t hear him, and zoomed in on the screen.
Metal clicked away. He typed in, lightening fast, GAMMA. Eggman looked curious, and then zoomed in more. Metal was
downloading a picture file. After it finished loading, Metal opened it. It was a picture of E-102 Gamma having an electric link with a
fem-bot.
“OH MY GOD!” Eggman yelled. “YOU’RE LOOKING AT ROBO PORN?!” Metal slowly turned to face him. Then, in a
swift motion, Metal sliced Eggman’s head off with the side of his hand. Blood splattered on the camera. Now that it didn’t have
Eggman’s will holding it up, the camera fell over and turned off. Metal picked it up, and started playing the whole thing.
“Hello there, friends. This is Tikal the echidna speaking. I’ll be your sneaky-peeky reporter for tonight. My carmera person
is Chaos. How is it back there, friend?” Chaos gave her a peace sign with his two huge watery fingers. “Alright, that is good. We are
going to be following Sonic the hedgehog tonight, and we will try and figure out what he does at night. All we know right now is that
he is standing in a dark, empty ally.”
Indeed, there he was. He was leaned up against the wall, looking around in a suspicious way. There were no lights or sound
but the camera and all three critter’s soft breathing. Then, out of the shadows, walked... Shadow. He was wearing a black trenchcoat,
and was looking around suspiciousely.
“Are you sure this spot’s safe?” Shadow whispered.
“Nobody’s come past for the past three hours. It’s fine,” Sonic replied. Both hedgehogs looked around, making sure
nobody was there. Tikal and Chaos made certain they were safely hidden behind a dumpster.
“You sure you can pull this one off, Blue? It’s gotta look Knuckles did it.” Chaos turned up the microphone volume. “I
mean, you’ve been in as tough of scrapes as me, but getting yourself into one this big...”
“I’ll be fine, Black. Now fork it over.” Shadow sighed, glanced around, and dug into his pocket.
“Two thousand in advance, Blue. But you aren’t getting anything else until the job’s done.” He handed Sonic two grand,
which got placed in his pocket.
“Whatever. I’ll do it and you know it.”
“Three weeks and it’s not done, I get either my money back or your ass on my wall.”
“Gotcha, Black. Now tell me again what I’m doing.” Shadow slapped himself for choosing such a forgetful partner. Tikal
and Chaos listened closely.
“As you may not be able to hear, there seems to be some illegal activity between these two...” Tikal whispers into the
microphone. Shadow’s ears twitch, and he looks around nervousely.
“What? You hear something?” Sonic asked, looking around.
“Yes.”
“Well, I don’t.”
“That’s because you spend all your time listening to loud music, Blue. We should go somewhere else. I have a feeling we’re
being watched...”
“That’s what you said when you were at the swimming pool, Sha-”
“BLACK!” Shadow hissed. He looked around nervousely. “Hey, I got a nice idea. You give me back half the cash, and fine
me a better man.”
“There isn’t any man better than me!” Sonic spat.
“Oh, whatever. Let’s go talk elsewhere. My car’s over there.” He pointed at a black Cheetah.
“Nah. I like feet better.” Sonic and Shadow immediately ran off. Tikal and Shadow followed quickly, because Tikal was
constantly using Chaos Control with the emerald she brought. Chaos didn’t complain about being hungry. He never does. Shadow
and Sonic stopped at a 2Go mart to get mountain dews before they continued. Chaos and Tikal hid their camera, and bought
themselves some gum and mountain dew while Sonic and Shadow were looking at the kinds of slurpees.
“I swear to god’s ass, Chaos,” Tikal said, now that the camera was off. She was sure to speak loud enough for the
hedgehogs to hear. “Drug dealers are all a big waste of money. They should all go for catnip, it works better and costs less.” The
hedgehogs, who had been locked in a thumb war over who got to get their code red mountain dew slurpees first, quieted down to
listen in. Chaos nodded, and made an odd little whisper-roar in agreement.
“Shhhh!” Shadow hissed.
“And all those people that hire old friends to kill girlfriends that were cheating on them! What’s this world coming to?” She
took a sip of mountain dew. Chaos did the same, and shrugged. “I mean, how’s that gonna look two thousand MORE years in the
future? And God did look upon the mass murderers and rapists and it was good?”
“Shut up, Blue!” Shadow hissed, because Sonic suddenly started yelling about Shadow being a fake.
“It’s kinda dumb, really- how people like that think they can always get away with doing dumb shit like that.” Tikal
pretended to notice Shadow and Sonic all of a sudden. “Don’t you agree, Shadow? People who pay friends to kill their old girlfriends
are just screwing with history and not improving things.”
“Uh, yeah,” Shadow said, looking nervous. “Hey, Sonic, let’s go to that wonderful CHILIDOG STAND you saw yesterday,
hmm?”
“Okay,” Sonic said, catching the drift.
“Hey, you gonna pay for that?” The storekeeper demanded at the retreating hedgies.
“No, actually,” Shadow said lightely, as he left. The guy called the cops. Shadow and Sonic had left going east. Tikal
nodded at Chaos, and they kept following Sonic and Shadow. It turns out that they had went around the store, with all the witnesses,
and headed west. To throw off the cops.
“Tikal, back with you,” Tikal said, as Chaos turned the camera back on. “We’re back in pursuit of the hedgehogs.” She
stopped talking so she could breath. The hedgehogs were moving fast. And they weren’t going to a chilidog stand. Indeed, they
seemed to head towards the nearest canyon. They stopped there. By the time Tikal and Chaos had arrived, they had obviousely
missed half the conversation.
“-Kill her?” Sonic asked in amazement. Tikal and Chaos were a ways away, because they were panting loudely and didn’t
want to be heard. This was interesting...
“Yep. And remember, eighteen grand if you do. Otherwise, you gotta give me back the dough and the dew.”
“I will... I will...” Sonic was looking sad that he had dragged himself into this.
“You will,” Shadow replied. “Or else.”
“Who am I supposed to kill again?” Shadow slapped him. And he pulled out a magic marker. He wrote the name on Sonic’s
glove. “Oh yeah... Maria.” Tikal jerked and gasped. Chaos just jerked.
“He’s gonna kill MARIA for SHADOW?!” Tikal gasped. Shadow heard her, and immediately grabbed her. He seemed to
have a large gun in his trenchcoat. He was gonna shoot Tikal, while she held still, but then he noticed that... She had Chaos with her.
Shadow set her down.
“My apologies, Tikal. I didn’t realize you were working with this... um... thing.” Tikal and Chaos left using Chaos Control.
Shadow continued to instruct Sonic.
|
HERE IS NARSINA
|
“Hello! This is the treasure hunter Rouge reporting, and my camera person is Maria Robotnik! We’re here to brown nose
Knuckles the echidna. I haven’t found him yet. But Maria says she used to go hunting for Shadow on the ARK, and knows how to
find somebody by their shoe marks.”
“Yes,” Maria says. “Let’s go!”
“Okay. Turn off the camera.” She smiled. She and Maria headed off in search of the red echidna. While Maria wasn’t
listening, Rouge starting muttering to herself. “Knuckles... I’ll have you, just you wait, like I’ve been waiting...”
AND NOW, WE RETURN TO THE VERSION OF REALITY WHERE PEOPLE AREN’T BEING DIRTY SNOOPS
AT AMY’S WHORE HOUSE...
Amy and Rouge are in the bed. But they aren’t fucking eachother- they’re fucking eachother up. Rouge is going
for the eyes, and Amy is kicking Rouge’s balls. Sonic had fucked Rouge, and now Rouge and Amy were trying top figure
out who was the weakest bitch.
Sonic walked in- confused.
“I could have sworn you weren’t a lesbian!” Sonic yelled. Amy blushed and declared that she doesn’t get black
eyes from being lesbian. She gets rib jobs, but not black eyes. “OH MY GOD! YOU ARE A LESBO!” Sonic yelled. “I’m
gonna go visit Tails, and make sure he isn’t being gay!”
AT TAILS’ ROOM IN THE ANTARCITIC TEMPLE...
Sonic ran in. Tails and Bunky were fucking eachother dirty. “WHAT THE HELL! KNOCK IT OFF!” Sonic yelled.
“Oh- sorry,” Bunky said. “I didn’t know you were coming, or I would have brought you a cute blanky!”`
“YOU TWISTED LITTLE ASS WHORE!”
“No, Tails is the twisted ass whore.”
“I NOW KICK YOU BIG ASS ASS TAILS FOR BEING SO GOD DAMNED GAY!”
“I sorry! I never do it again!” Tails yelled. “Forgive me, Sonic, my beloved pimp god!”
“OKAY! NOW I REALLY WANNA KICK YOUR SCRAWNY ASS!”
“We sorry, pimp master,” Tails and Bunky said, kissing Sonic’s ass.
“Why do you fuck eachother so dirty?” Sonic asked, calming down.
“I is trying to set Tails strait,” Bunky said.
“Then you get him a girl, you gay fuck! You make a girl look like a man, and Tails will fuck her no shit time
wasted! And when he finds out, he’ll know that girls are funner to fuck than boys! Bunky, you stupid man slut, you shit
head! Guys are supposed to love girls and girls are supposed to love boys and girls!” And they listened to his godly advise.
But at that moment, Sally walked in. She wasn’t her wearing her vest and boots, she bas bare boobed naked. Sonic was
turned on by the the dirty interspecies ho.
“Hi, Tails,” Sally said. “Having a party? Oh, great! Well, I feel like joining in, kiddies- I like gay guys!”
“HOLY GOD DAMN SHIT FUCK DAMN DAMN!” Sonic yelled. “SHIT FUCK DAMN SHIT FUCK DAMN!”
“Get out of my way, stubborn ass!” Sally snarles. And she tried to get in bed with Tails and Bunky. Sonic didn’t
want to try to move Sally, because she would dump him- so Sonic fucked Tails, just to make sure Sally couldn’t cheat on
him. Sally left the temple, in a huff.
AT KNUCKLES’ ROOFLESS APARTMENT
Snuckles knocked on the door. Knuckles opened the door with a AK 47 pointed at Snuckles’ forehead and pulled
the trigger (because he got high). Snuckles fell down, dead. Knuckles suddenly stopped being high, and started to cry. He
ran and called the cops to arrest him.
AT THE GUTTERS OF HARLEM...
Sado was laying on a bench dreaming about Maria. He had gotten extremely high, and forgotten that he had a
temple and hot chicky worshippers in Antarctica. He had even forgotten the he had Narsina looking for him. He was so
hungry that even a piece of glass looked like a feast. Sado just noticed a McDonald’s across the street, and decided to go rob
the shit outta them. So he ran in and told the lady at the counter to give him all her money.
“Okay,” The lady said. “But you have to be my whore for two whole theys if you want all of it.”
“What! You’re a fem pimp!” Sado yelled. Than he noticed that the lady was a pink hedgehog. “Oh it get it, you’re
Amy.”
“No!” Amy yelled. “I’m Sandra Wigwams, the lady!”
“NO, YOU’RE AMY, YOU STUPID SLUT!”
“You hurt my feelings!” The lady yelled, making Sado sure of who he was looking at. Then two police men ran in
wearing their gay heart boxers and hats. Sado started laughing because they were fucked up. Amy started blushing and
talking like Rouge. “What’s your name, white guy?”
“Uh… me? Imafuk…” Said one.
“Hey! Imafuk! Who’s that udder guy?” Amy yelled.
“I’m a Gaiman!”
“Shut up, Gaiman! I like the other one… you know why… Imafuk!” She ran into the alleyway and started to fuck
Imafuk dirty. Sado, now extremely hungry and disturbed, left. As he went, a blonde walked into the McDonalds. She
looked like...
Shadow fell over and had a seizure. And he was knocked out. When he opened his eyes, he remembered his
temple. So he dashed off.
“Duuuuude, the bluuuuu maaaaaan group is gaaaay!” Knuckles yelled. He was in the police station.
“We know… and that’s the truth…” Said Gaiman, who had come back to the station. “So, echidna boy, where do
you keep your condoms and evil black men?”
“Eeeeeeerm, I dunno!” Knuckles yelled. “Check my refrigerator raider! Oh, wait... I just killed Snuckles… and
Snuckles was my refrigerator raider!”
“Um…” Gaiman said slowly. Than Snuckles ran in- with blood dripping off his forehead, still having the bullet
inside.
“GOD DAMN IT, I DON’T WANNA BE A GOD OF SHADOW’S RELIGION ANYMORE! IT SUCKS, NOT
BEING ABLE TO DIE!”
“THAN I HAVE AN IDEA!” Knuckles yelled.
“OH MY GOD! YOU HAVE AN IDEA???”
“Shut up. If you wanna quit being a god, go worship a god of some other religion! Go be a christian or a jew!”
“ME? A JEEEEWWW? GOD DAMN YOU!”
“Than be a christian.”
“YOU WANT ME TO WORSHIP A DEAD GUY ON SATAN STICKS? YOU FUCKED UP LITTLE-” Knuckles
stuffed a happy pill down Snuckles’ throat. “Okay!” And he jumped off, being happy.
“Hello der meester rye-chuss!” Snuckles yelled, running into the church in the middle of a sermon. “Can you
puuuuuurify me? I HAVE A SHADOW GODDY DEMON IN MY HEAD!”
“Sure, I’ll purify you! Got a BOTTLE?” The priest asked. “Bottle for my BUNGHOLE?”
“Augh! You’re Satanists, all of you!” Snuckles yelled, running out and doing some bunny bouncing. On the way
out, he crashed into Sado, though. Sado was wearing a trenchcoat, and sunglasses, and had a gay black hat on, and had a
machine gun in pocket (sticking out for all to see). Narsina was with him, also wearing a trenchcoat.
“You didn’t see me,” Sado tells Snux, walking past. He goes into the church, Narsina following. Snux hears a lady
screaming her ass off, and Sado runs out carrying the collection plate. Narsina runs out a second later, firing the machine
gun into the church.
“OKAY! I DIDN’T SEE YOU, GOD! BYE!” Snuckles yells, waving. And he does a bunch of backflips. So he runs
off to the temple so he can hang out with the hot worshippers of his own special religion.
Once Snuckles got back to the temple, he realised that... SOMETHING WAS WRONG! VERY WRONG! INCREDIBLY
WRONG! But he couldn’t tell what. So he ran from room to room, trying to figure out WHAT WAS WRONG?! And after he
checked the kitchen and all other rooms, he knew. TWO things were missing! One was... HIS MOUNTAIN DEW! The second was...
HIS FOLLOWERS!
“SONIC! SADO! WHERE ARE YOU BITCHES? MY FOLLOWERS AND MOUNTAIN DEW ARE GONE! AUGH!” The
ceiling broke, and the hedgehogs as well as Snuckles’ worshippers and Mountain Dew fell out of the ceiling. “Eeeeeeeer?” Aske
Snuckles, confoosed.
“Um... NOTHING HAPPENED!” Shadow yelled. “I DIDN’T SCREW YOUR WORSHIPPERS OR DRINK YOUR
MOUNTAIN DEW!”
“YEAH, I DIDN’T EITHER!” Sonic yelled.
“Fuck this. Let’s drink mountain dew, people!” Snuckles told his followers.
“YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!” The followers yelled. Gwenny, now a Snux worshipper, pulled out a code red. Many
others pulled out a code red. Many others pulled out a regular MD. But then...! ONE OF THE FOLLOWERS PULLED OUT A PEPSI
TWIST! Snuckles jumped up, with his mind set on kicking her ass.
“PREPPY TALIBANEE!” Snuckles yelled, slicing her head off with his three claws. Her head fell on his worshippers feet.
Snuckles suddenly looked incredibly calm... “Bitch.” .......... “Hey bitches, let’s drink to the rainbow of Mountain Dew!” And they all
drank their Mountain Dew.
Now, at the same time as this happened, Rouge happened along. “Errrrrr?” She whispered. “Hey bitches, let’s drink to the
rainbow of mountain dew...? Hmmmm...” And she thought up a product, a product title, and a nice way to package and label it. How
to sell it, though...? She could always do what she always did... Sleep with the president, and make him start selling.
Two weeks have passed. The furries have had few events occur in this time. They are...
1) Snuckles invented a color-changing toilet
2) Snux’s toilet went public
3) Shadow was legally renamed ‘the bitchiest life-form’
4) One out the thouands of Amies committed suicide
5) Tikal entered the temple as the god of chaos and water
6) Pepsi Twist was made illegal in Antarctica
7) Tails invented a wierd high-potency alchoholic robotic bannana
8) Knuckles married Julie-Sue
9) Sonic bought a gamecube
10) A chick with blond hair came into the temple
11) Shadow saw her
12) Shadow had a seizure
13) The blond died her hair and was made a worshipper
14) She got a room with Shadow
15) Her name was Kristin
As you can see, it was a relatively uneventful week. Until they went shopping in paris and saw a billboard. Do you know
what it looked like???
“WHERE THE HELL IS THAT BAT?!” Knuckles yelled. “I’M GONNA KICK HER ASS FOR RIPPING OFF MOUNTAIN
DEW!”
“Relax, Knuckles... I know where she is...” Said two calm voices. They turned around. Ekodona and Snuckles were both
stoned and meditating. “She is off in the mall spending her money from Rainbow Mountain Jew. You must TRY Rainbow Mounatin
Jew before you insult her work. We will not try it with you. We know how crappy it is...” And they both went one meditating.
Sonic ran to the nearest 2GO mart (in America) and tried to buy a Rainbow Mountain Jew. “Sorry, but WE CARD, Sonic.
You have to be older than 21! We told you that about Mountain Dew, too.”
“GOD DAMN IT!” Sonic screamed. And he made Shadow buy them all Rainbow Mountain Jews. They all tried the RMJ’s.
THEY WERE GOOD!
“THAT CAT-SCALED GIRRAFFE BAT HAD A GOOD IDEA! IT’S INCREDIBLE!” Sonic yelled. He was drinking the
WEED flavored RMJ.
“Ererererere?” Snuckles asked. He had tried the GRASS flavored RMJ.
“Heheh... you guys are fuckin’ stoned,” TRT muttered. She had bought a GRAPE flavored RMJ.
“Bunny...” Whispered Knux. He had bought a MUSHROOM flavored RMJ.
“R-r-r-r-r-rah... FIRE... a thousand times...” Shadow said. His flavor of choice was
FLAME-BROILED-THOUSAND-ISLAND-
DRESSING. He thought he had bought a fire element drink, and didn’t know what he was drinking.
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” Ekodona screamed, floating. She had chosen FLOATING ISLAND flavored RMJ.
“I FOUND A NEW FLAVER ON THE SHELF!” Tails screamed. And he held up... PRESIDENT FLAVORED RAINBOW
MOUNTAIN JEW! One of the many Amies ran up and took a sip, after Shadow payed for it. And her eyes dilated.
“Wow... it tastes JUST like the President!” Amy whispered. And she fell over, giggling. The furries decided then and there
that RMJ rivaled MD. And since it rivaled MD, it had to be DESTROYED!!! With the help of EVERYBODY ON EARTH, the furries
made a plan on how to get rid of Rainbow Mountain Jew.
Sonic and Shadow and Knucles would go in, steal all the WEED, GRASS, GRAPE, MUSHROOM, THOUSAND ISLAND,
FLOATING ISLAND, and PRESIDENT flavored RMJ for themselves, and than blow up the factory. What they didn’t know was that
Rouge had been watching. True, it was so she could watch Knuckles, but she didn’t want them to get rid of Rainbow Mountain Jew.
So she made her own plans to get them killed.
Knuckles, Sonic, and Shadow all snuck in... spy style... to the RMJ factory. They all were wearing gay ski masks, and they
had helped eachother put them on. “Hey Knux,” Sonic pointed out suddenly. “Yours is on upside down.” Knux has a big rip at his
chin and a nice hole at the top of his head and the eyeholes were on his cheeks.
Knux fixed his ski mask, and they went in. All of a sudden, Shadow heard something... “Shut up!” Shadow gasped.
“Maria’s talking to me!”
“Shadow... This is Maria...” The ski mask whispered. “Do not blow up the RMJ factory...”
“Yes Maria...” Shadow muttered. Than he fell over and had a seizure. Sonic and Knuckles stared at him shake for a second,
and than he stopped shaking and fell asleep.
“What should we do with him?” Sonic asked.
“Um...” Knuckles looked around. “The BROOM CLOSET...!!”
“Okay!” So they grabbed Shadow and tucked him in the broom closet. Sonic and Knuckles than continued on into the RMJ
factory. “Got a flashlight?” Sonic whispered.
“Nope...” Knuckles muttered. “But I DO have...!”
“WHAT?!”
“A glow necklace!” Knuckles than led their way with his glow necklace, and they saw quite well. Than Knuckles started
twitching. “Rouge is here... I can smell it,” He growled.
“You memorized how Rouge smells?!”
“Hard not to.” They kept walking, and after a couple minutes, Sonic plugged his nose.
“Yup... I smell Rou all right.” Knuckles laughed at Sonic, and they kept walking. After a while, Sonic stopped and started
sniffing the ground. “I smell something...” Sonic muttered, twitching his nose. “I smell... MOUNTAIN JEWS...”
“Jews?!” Knuckles said, yelling and being messed up. “You Jewish sunnuva-”
“Shuddup!” Sonic yelled, stuffing his sock in Knuckles’ mouth. “We will be heard. Let us coninue with STEALTH...”
“Okay,” Knuckles said through the sock. And they ran into the party of the factory where they make RMJ. Knuckles eyes
popped wide open... Rouge was making a MOUNTAIN DEW flavored Rainbow Mountain Jew! Knux instantly dived into it and
drank all of it. And he hopped out looking sick. “Ugh... it tastes JEWISH...” Knuckles coughed, turning green. Sonic laughed his ass
off, and they started thinking of how to blow it up.
“I think we should ignite it,” Sonic said.
“I think we should punch it good!” Knuckles cut in, punching the air.
“You’re gonna punch it and it’ll go away...?” Sonic asked slowly.
“It works on all the OTHER jews,” Knuckles explained. “I punch the jew and they leave.”
“RMJ isn’t a JEW.”
“Rainbow Mountain Jew,” Knuckles replied. And he punched a pot of RMJ. It screamed and ran away. “See?” So Sonic
and Knuckles ran all over the factory, punching basins on RMJ and stuff until all of the Rainbow Mountain Jew has disappeared.
Than Sonic and Knuckles ran away to go back to the temple so they could drink MD.
When they got back, they had a nasty surprise... “THE RMJ FOLLOWED US HERE!!!” Knuckles yelled once he ran into his
room. RMJ had made itself look like a fake body and was sleeping on Knux’s bed. It was made of Peach flavored RMJ, which made
it have human colored skin. “GET OUT! OOOOOOOUUT!!!” Knuckles ran up and punched the RMJ, and it ran off crying.
Tails woke up thinking he had wet the bed, but suddenly, an RMJ body popped up. The banana RMJ was imitating
BUNKY! And, like Bunky, the RMJ loved Tails. So Tails loved it back. YOU DON’T WANNA KNOW...
Amy woke up with a Sonic blueberry RMJ next to her, and you don’t wanna know about THAT either.
Shadow woke up in the closet next to a peach Maria RMJ. He instantly had a seizure, and Narsina dragged him back to the
temple once she found him.
Sonic was running in circles because an Amy strawberry RMJ was chasing him, looking happy. After being scared and
pissed for a while, Sonic punched her and she left. Sonic started drinking MD, and trying to not freak out. It wasn’t working. But the
MD made him more hyper, which helped when a cherry Amy RMJ popped up.
The furries of the temple, as well as the followers, gathered in the beggest room of the temple for a councel. The biggest
room was full of MD, cash, and video games, and was dedicated to Shadow. So they were all togethor in that room to talk.
“Rouge made the RMJ come alive so it could kill us!” Knuckles yelled, being paranoid. Shadow stood up and called for a
little ORDER. After Narsina gave him an order of fries, a burger, and a MD, Shadow started talking again.
“I, being your god, feel obligated to solve this problem,” Shadow declared. All the followers agreed. “However, I am too
lazy to do so at the moment. So I can do the thinking part instead.” The people were confused and said nothing. “The reason that the
RMJ is attacking me, my fellow gods, and my friends, is apparently because you are too STUPID to deal with it. If we all study hard,
the RMJ will most certainly go away.”
“Pssst... what kind of bullshit are you feeding them...?” Narsina hissed at Shadow.
“Easy,” Shadow whispered back. “Stuff they’ll beleive.”
“RMJ ATTACKS THE DUMB!” The gay tuxedo men started chanting.
“That’s right!” Shadow boomed. “Go study! And if any of you are smart, you will do my homework!” All the furries ran
off and started studying. Some of them (Tails, Sonic, Bunky, and Bigg) went to do Shadow’s homework. Shadow grinned at Narsina.
“I never finished school.”
“Well, OBVIOUSELY...” Narsina muttered, looking up from her book... “The history of RMJ.”
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